Why The Four Burners Theory helped with my invisible illnesses
This is an excerpt from our ‘Musings’ in our weekly newsletter.
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I shared on stories this week a little behind-the-scenes of my journey with chronic illnesses (Lupus + Rheumatoid Arthritis). I was, and still am, very proud of myself as I attended my first group fitness class since the start of the year - which was when my flair-up really kicked in.
I shared (read the pic below) how hard I worked for this moment. The persistence it took. The knockbacks. And the sacrifices.
I’ve had some really interesting convos in the DMs from the stories - thank you to those who reached out. There are so many different facets I could touch on, but I first thought that we could chat about priorities because this has been a major factor in my recovery and affects everyone, not just those with chronic or invisible illnesses.
Introducing the Four Burners Theory
The Four Burners Theory, created by David Sedaris, is a way to think about your priorities and work/life balance.
Imagine your life is represented by a stove with four burners on it.
Each burner symbolises one major quadrant of your life.
The first burner represents your family.
The second burner is your friends.
The third burner is your health.
The fourth burner is your work.
The Four Burners Theory says that in order to be successful, you can’t have all four burners going at full heat all at once. There’s simply not enough energy. There will always be one on low or off. And the theory states that in order to be really successful at a quadrant, you have to cut off two.
We all know that life is filled with tradeoffs. If you want to kick ass in your job, then your friends may have to be a lower priority. If you want to become a parent and focusing on family life, then you might be forced to dial back your career ambitions for a while.
Of course, you are free to divide your time equally among all four burners, but it’s most likely you’ll have an average performance across those areas, instead of reaching your full potential in one particular area.
So what does this have to do with my invisible illness journey?
A huge part of my progress with my invisible illnesses is due to laser focusing on my priorities. At the start of the year, medical professionals told me that I needed to go on oral chemotherapy to contain my flair-up. This was something I was not prepared to do (for a myriad of reasons), and my priorities shifted in a blink of an eye. The third burner - health - had to be fired up to full burn, and my other burners had to go on a low simmer.
I can’t describe the immense guilt I felt over not being a ‘good enough’ friend, daughter, or granddaughter during this time when I had to focus on rest, strict schedules and appointments, and how saying no to so many things really weighed on me.
Women, in particular, are taught by society that we should be everything at all times - be a great friend, daughter, partner, cleaner, cook, caregiver, life-giver, have a successful career…the list goes on.
This theory really reinforced for me that we shouldn’t feel guilty about focusing on our priorities. And a thing I kept on reminding myself was that the burners (aka priorities) can change with the seasons of life. Just because you may let go of one burner now, doesn’t mean it will be off forever.
Releasing the guilt and accepting that health had to be my focus was such a huge weight off my shoulders and enabled me to achieve my goals that are coming to fruition now.
Take the time to consider what you want to prioritise and what segments of your life might need to go on simmer.